*am gem like-fragile*

p.s[ get it?] shag-baby

I don't know what is this but i think i know. It just kept comming. Can't run away from it nor can i shuff it away, have to go through it. No excuses. Its not a good feeling. A big NO NO! But have to. When you ask why? I say nothing. And you believe?

Do i have to always tell,explain,confess? Can't you see at my face,my eyes? That smile that laughter that's always on my face that i always give which i portray it really hides it all don't they? But can't you tell? When i cry can you stop asking me why? or ask me to stop? or ask me why should i? Can you just let me and just be there

Whatever im dealing is fear. AZZAHBABY in fear? Yes, not shy to admit i am. Fear of? Fear of what ifs'. Really really don't want it to happen again. Don't want to go through it again,anymore. NO. But all im saying is im wobbly. I don't want to do these alone.Lets do it,feel it,through it TOGETHER.

p.s[ i don't want to cry anymore it hurts. im lost] totemudaisuki(babymu)

This composition is once written for me:                        

 The day i try to consume drugs was on the act of stupidity.It was the only thing i promise to myself i wouldn't take but i did. But i have to admit it that it was alot of fun. It was a feeling that sends tingling sensation to ones mind. You will barely know what yopu are doing when the drug is taking effect. Randomly speaking you'll regret it later.

                           Consuming drugs is equivalent to loving someone. The route i took to taking drugs brought me to a girl. She is bound to be someone with great confidence and determination. But she is something else. Later in life she starts giving out scents, scents which i can't resist. Better then those drugs i use to have. I started the urge to hallucinate her. I really love this drug. I love her. Every minute i was with her, every chance, i had i would get high of her. An opportunity that comes once.

                           I thought i had replaced those drugs with her. Though i still consume them, i tried to stop but it will just get bad to worse. Then i realize that it was wrong to love her the way i love drugs. I must love her the normal way. She is something better than drugs ,she had this thing that will never runs out. I am still loving her the same way, she is the closest thing to me.

Author/written by : Shahzarul Susanto

a.k.a

 shah-sky..

nov friday e 13 09

Deadeaer: "baby sudi tak jadi girlfrend papa lagi?"

So okae what you think i said? Ya, i bet everybody knows. I nod my head willgly despite the fact that at that moment im in fear.

But i have my reasons. People are making faces,remarks. I know this is comming i knew infact but shall not complain.

This time round, its going to be different,im still azzahbaby but im going to be different. Figure that out.

p.s[shall stitch my mouth so when there's times i teared, i will not spill my heart out. Chim? so long as i understand,done.]- because i lurve you more

I can't make something feel right when i know its completely wrong.

"In a sentence of love, oftentimes you have to put a period on something that has to end and not just settle on a comma. In time, you will realize that it's nicer to see a complete sentence rather than a phrase that's completely hanging and doesn't even make any sense."

p.s[ so you came back you then tell me what to do eventohugh so my feelings is still as strong.]

I got my reason and conscious clear to why i do what i did and if telling and sharing means im bad mouthing or trying to manupilate one to have a bad impression on him then my bet. So maybe in this world there should not be a word called sharing. I meant every word and every sentence i say. "diam selamat" maybe that's as for now i should be doing.

p.s[ self-centered obsessed with own wants and need in life so be it. im done. begone.]

and one thing for sure I WANT TO GET THIS CLEAR  for what valid reason i want to use "barang" in other words "shirik" on him/you? So i can have him/you? cmmon what you have or had that i have to go to that extent? Wealth? Looks? Good attitude? hah! sejahat-jahat mane,seburuk-buruk mane, sekurang-kurang nye i still know my religion. MAYBE WHOEVER YANG TERASE SHOULD GET THIS IN MIND FITNAH ITU DOSANYA LAGI BESAR DARI SEORANG PEMBUNUH.! 

BEAUTIFUL:
At first when i believe,i think im beautiful because you said it but now you don't have to because i am. Beautifullest infact

p.s[ those who have stayed on with me..im blessed to have them...syukur allhamdulilah.]

p.s[at the end of the day got accused and its my fault. okay...just let it come....]

"Fucking fuck off from my life!!" "CHEBY la you !" There i've said it and you heard it cleary.. Bukan tak tahu malu la doh. Sengaje jek. Malu ape eh tu? Look whose talking about shame? Tapi takkan forget sia? You thought im one cheap dumb bitch don't you? So cheap dumb bitch like me what i know about shame? Cmmon cluless. Shame? After all? Shame you said? More to filthy.. hah!

p.s[i was admitted but you didnt even bother to looked me up but you went out to lepak. Once you said it was so "shiok"(ice) that you just hung up. I was so helpless in the hosp hopping at least some concern but you didnt even bother. What i've said triggers then what you did and said at that very moment? And your're talking about shame? hah...]

                                                          YOU SAID IM BEING RIDICULOUS MAYBE IM JUST BORN DUMB!